Maternal Reflections: How Video Games Made Me a Better Mother.

A little over 8 years ago, I found myself being the stay at home mom of 3 children all under the age of 6, including a 15 month old and a newborn. That, along with a husband, who was rarely in the same country let alone the same house, due to career responsibilities meant that life was...well...interesting to say the least. I often felt pulled in so many different directions. Each child wanting, and needing different things all at the same time. Sometimes, I remember having an overwhelming sense of failure, that I just couldn't be the quintessential super mom I was supposed to be...that I wanted desperately to be in order to make my husband proud and to make my friends think better of me. Admittedly, I wanted to be the "How does she do it all?" kind of mom both admired and reviled at the coffee group meetings.

There were times during those first 4 years of having the boys and, of course, watching Reagan's personality continue to grow and solidify into her true character, that I thought I was going to lose my mind; and more importantly myself within this circle of dirty diapers, temper tantrums, toys, and never ending laundry. No, it wasn't all bad...please don't think I'm saying that. I spent countless hours cuddled up on the couch watching Blue Clues, Elmo, and Dora the Explorer. I tickled tummies, played peek a boo, patty cake, and wrapped up freshly washed -smell so good little ones after baths. I rocked, I sang, I walked. We explored, we discovered, we grew, we learned. It was all amazing....and exhausting!
And then when Tyler was around 5 years old, he picked up his sister's Nintendo DS and a new and extraordinary sense of calm descended down around my life. Finally, there was another entertainer in the room and I was no longer required to be the one woman DIY show. He played, his brother watched; and then within a year they were both playing one. Since then, the gaming systems have advanced, and multiplied to include, 3DS, Nabi 2, Wii and Wii U.
Have I allowed video games to become a co-parent of my children? No, I honestly don't believe I have. Have I used them as a tool to help me be a calmer, and arguably more engaged mother? Yes, I have. For me, allowing my children to play video games gives me the hour or two I need to do other things in the house, to make dinner, or to just sit "in quiet" and do nothing at all for just a few moments. I believe that it is this time of "recharging" that allows me to look forward to being more involved with my children. I've learned as a mom that you just can't be all on all the time for everyone... That is a recipe for disaster and unhappiness.

I also know that playing video games has allowed them to develop their critical thinking skills and problem solving capabilities. At 8 and 10, they are more adept at forward thinking than I could ever be. They often play together learning how to cooperate and work as a team or how to play against one another in a friendly fun way. In some ways, I believe the video games and associated characters also fuel their imagination. Yoshi and Luigi often go for "slipper rides" down the stair bannister. The Mario Chess board pieces are often seen hiding within the fort built from the Jenga pieces. Pokemon stories and comics are drawn and written on a regular basis.
Could they have gained these skills in other ways? Ways that were "better" according to experts and other non technology parents? Probably. My point here is not to say that having your child play video games is the better way, it's simply to say it's not necessarily the wrong way. So, if you're a mother that struggles with guilt over allowing your 6 year old to use technology, stop...seriously!

Now, with everything in parenting, there is a degree of common sense to be applied. Yes, it is very easy to send them off into parts unknown of the house with a gaming system and forget all about them! Which in and of itself is a testament to the frazzled nature of a mother's mind at times. You are still responsible, as a parent, for establishing rules and guidelines. Boundaries for what are appropriate games and activities.
The rules for video games in our house were established from the beginning, including the "no video games rule on Mondays and Thursdays." They ask before they play, and they don't complain when I say turn them off.  They do their chores, they play outside, they read every night, they perform well in school....they're doing ok!
So, for me as a mom, the adventures into video games have been positive because I've not allowed them to be negative. Being a mom is hard, it's all consuming and all encompassing. To be a successful mom, I believe you have to be able to find the time for you. Like I said, a way to recharge, regroup and refocus; and even if it's only for 30 minutes...you deserve that! If Mario and Luigi can help you get it, then leave the guilt at the door, grab a good book and relax!

No! I'm Not the Maid....just Mom and Chauffeur.

Hi Everyone!

Raise your hand if you grew up in the 80's and thought you were SO. RICH when your parents handed you a whole $2 for your weekly allowance.  Keep them up if you feel like you worked HARD for that money! Not done yet...now keep them up if you now have children of your own doing much the same work; but for a LOT more money!
There are numerous debates over whether or not children should do chores; and whether they should get paid for them or just do them as some type of compensation for the free room and board they are getting at home for 18 years or so.
 I was a child that did chores every weekend, in addition to keeping my room clean during the week. Both my parents worked; and on Saturday mornings, I dusted, I vacuumed, I swept sidewalks, helped with dishes and whatever else my mother needed done; and I got my $2. The independence and freedom I felt I got with my $2 was so invigorating. I could go to the movies AND buy popcorn for that $2. If I saved for 2 weeks, I could get a drink and candy as well. I could stop by the corner store on the way home and buy my favorite candy or soda for a treat. I could buy a package of scratch n-sniff stickers (Come on...you know you had them too!!)
Of course, as a child you don't realize what you are learning as you do chores. Things like, responsibility, taking care of your things, pride in what you have, time management etc don't come into your head while you're cleaning a bathroom. No, it's all about the money!
Fast forward many (and I do mean many...) years later and I'm now a mom myself with three kids and a busy house. Along with that busy house comes a lot of  dirt, disorganization, dirty dishes, laundry and well, just general life happenings. I have been a stay at home mom for 12 years now; and I'm grateful for the opportunity to raise my own children rather than paying someone else to do it for me. However, until very recently, I spent a long time frustrated with the fact that I felt like I was just here playing the part of the maid and not the part of mom. I was feeding my own frustration however by not utilizing an untapped labor force: my children! Oh, sure I thought about it; but then I always found an excuse not to do it or to sit down and figure it out. I thought, I'm home all day, why should I wait until they get home from school before I fold laundry or unload the dishwasher? Honestly...I thought nothing would get done. I thought about the age differences. What could the younger ones do so that the older child isn't unfairly saddle with the hard jobs?
Finally, when we moved last summer, I decided that it was time. The kids needed to do some chores; and yes...I was willing to pay for it. I think it's important for kids to do chores because it does teach valuable skills for life. I sat down and came up with a system that works for us.

Money is essential as well because kids need to learn how to earn money, they need to learn how to save it as well as to spend it wisely. To not pay children to do their chores, I believe is a disservice to them and unfair as well. Yes, they are living under your roof and eating your food and making messes and all that; but isn't that what family is? and isn't that what family does? They are your kids...not your tenants. The return on your investment later in life will be worth the money you give out now.
So, while the domesticated duties around the house are much more evenly spread around, meaning I have more time to dedicate to "mom things", I find that I am still largely alone in the "Mom's Taxi Service" business. Some days I spend nearly all day in the vehicle, coming and going with one kid or another for an event here, an appointment there...an emergency trip to Target or whatever. That's OK however, because playing the part of the chauffeur is worth the time spent together in the car; and sometimes if I'm lucky...the teenager lets me choose the music!

Recipe: Cinnamon Sugar Baked Donuts

Hello Everyone!

*Update* I made the recipe again...twice! Once using almond milk in place of the regular milk and omitted the cinnamon and then made a maple icing to go with it as well. In the other batch, I used regular milk, omitted the cinnamon again and added 1 1/2 tsps of pumpkin spice.* I added a new picture!

Well, it certainly has been a LONG time since I've updated the blog. Almost an entire year...WOW! Obviously, a lot has happened in this year and I won't bore you with all the details, because you probably didn't really come here to read about me, right?! I'll just sum it up in a couple of quick sentences!

1) I moved...again. Goodbye South Carolina, hello Pennsylvania. Yes, I know "Winter is Coming"!

2) My son was diagnosed with Eosinophilic Esophagitis. Yes, it's as difficult to say as it is to spell; but not nearly as awful as it sounds. In a nutshell, he has an allergy to the protein found in cow's milk, so we have now moved into a completely dairy free diet for him. This has been a lifestyle change and a constant learning lesson for me as well as him. Believe me when I tell you...there is dairy in EVERYTHING!

3) I've become completely obsessed with Podcasts on my phone and my tablet. Just a random fact I thought I'd throw out there for you!

4) The crafting bug has come and gone so many times for me over the past year, I can't even comment on it!
Ok, so let's just jump right in and see if we can get things rolling again. I'm going to try to update as regularly as I can. I will link this post to the recipe page (found up there at the top) so if you want to make these donuts; and trust me you do...but can't right now, you can come back to the blog here and find it easily up there.
Here's what we're going to make today: Cinnamon Sugar Baked Donuts. These are fluffy airy cake-like donuts. These are NOT yeast donuts, so don't think you're getting a Krispy Kreme here. They are, however, easy to make and quick as well!

I bought these very cute donut pans at Target a while ago; and tried three or four times to use them and every time I did, it was a complete and utter failure. Honestly, it was pathetic, and completely discouraging. So in a fit of defeat, I stashed them away and thought nothing about them again. Until this morning, through various circumstances and a desire by Tyler to bake something with me, I decided to dig them out and try again. I took the recipes I'd found and modified and tweaked them and this is what I came up with.



Step 1: Gather up some donut making ingredients and pre heat your oven to 450

1 cup of flour
1/2 cup sugar
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tsp vanilla
1 egg
1/2 cup of milk
2 tsp cinnamon
4 tbsp canola or veg oil


Step 2: Secure the assistance of a cute helper. Optional step; but highly recommended!

Step 3: Measure all your dry ingredients together and then add the egg and the milk and whisk for one minute. One full minute...set the timer and get your whisk on, use those muscles!! Add the oil and continue to whisk until combined. (Sorry for the blurry picture)

Step 4: Fill up the donut pans (I used a ziploc bag with the corner snipped off for easier filling) Don't over fill them...try not to anyhow!

Step 5: Bake in the oven at 450 for 8 minutes. Set the timer for 10; but they will probably be done at 8. Cool slightly on a wire rack and then dip the warm donut in melted butter and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar and then bask in the fluffy golden sugary goodness of these yummy yummy treats! Next time I make these, I intend to try them with a bit of almond milk so they will be dairy free for my son. I'll update and let you know how that turns out. 

So, that's all for now. Thanks for visiting. Come back again tomorrow for a crafty blog post. Enjoy the rest of your day! 

5 Ways to Spend 15 minutes with your Children

Hi Everyone!

When I go to bed at night, I never fall asleep right away. I always spend time thinking about the day and what I want to make better about the next day. The one thing that I always realize is that I could have spent more time with my children throughout the day.  This is always a sobering realization to come to since I am, after all, a stay at home mom. I have all day to spend with them, so what happens? How is it that I wake up with all this "super mom" determination at 6:00 am and by 10:00 pm, I'm wondering where did it all go wrong?
I think the short answer is that I just let things get in the way. Some are necessary evils, such as laundry, unloading dishwasher, and other household chores. Some, however are purely selfish excuses. Crafting, blogging, television, and technology are all things that I allow to creep slowly into my day that tend to overrun it like spilled ink on a piece of paper. I will say that I don't consider my time at the gym selfish because it keeps me healthy; and above all else I want to make sure I'm around for a long time with my family. Another excuse I always tell myself, is doing stuff causes a mess (that I'm always left to clean), or it's hot outside or it would involve a trip to the store and money spent etc.
This has also been the first summer that I've not purchased summer learning workbooks for the kids. Trust me when I tell you, I won't make that mistake again! I kept thinking I'll just find some worksheets online and print them and make the kids do those. Finding free grade appropriate worksheets is not as easy as it sounds, so I gave up on that as well.
So, what have we learned so far? Well, basically that I am not in the running for awesome mom this summer. I do, however have a couple of weeks left before school starts, so I decided today to find 5 ways to spend uninterrupted quality time with my children. No mess, no money, and no fuss and there was even a little learning along the way as well:

1. Talk and Listen. This idea is so simple, many parents forget about it. I think we spend much of our time as parents directing, instructing and guiding our children down what we hope is the perfect path in life that we very seldom just sit and talk. Today, I found both of my boys at separate times and we just sat down and talked. With one I talked about school for the upcoming year and seeing old friends and meeting new ones. With the other one, we talked about the new Mario party 9 game he wants for the Wii. I know, two totally different conversations...two totally different boys! You don't have to give a life lesson each time you are with your children. Just listen to what they have to say. If they can talk to you about nothing, then they'll be more likely to talk about important things later in life.

2. Play a Silly Learning Game: It has been my experience that children like to learn as long as there is an element of fun involved in it. I wanted to do something with mine today that didn't involve a lot of set up or complicated experimenting or directions. Those sorts of activities are great, don't get me wrong; but it just wasn't what I wanted to do today. So, I found this ball (which I'm constantly kicking out of the way throughout the house) and we stood in a circle in the living room and basically played "hot potato" with it. For the learning aspect of it, I used different areas of learning.

We did math problems, say a color as fast as you can, think of a word and make a sentence, opposites and a few others as well. There was lots of smiles and giggles and most of all fun.

3.Try a New Project Together.  My oldest son received a book on how to make paper airplanes for his birthday last week. Now, I realize that for dads out there, making paper airplanes is ridiculously simple; and you would think for a paper crafting mom such as myself it would be easy to figure out as well. Not so much....let me just say, none of our airplanes looked like the ones in the book; and the general consensus was that he'd rather wait for his dad to help him! Still, it was time spent together and he learned it's ok to try something even if it doesn't work the first time.

  

4. Play a Board Game. This is another simple and often forgotten source of time that can be spent together. The most important thing to remember is that it's not about the game you want to play, it's about what your child wants to play. Today, we played the "Lego Race" game.

5. Laugh. This is my favorite thing to do with my children. It's those moments when you're all piled on the floor in the living room just giggling and laughing at everything and anything that I think are the times in which the best memories are made. These are the moments I hope my children look back on when they are older and know they had a happy childhood.

In the end, I'm not a perfect mom; but I'm always willing to try. Thanks for visiting me today! Until next time....

Making Your Children Happy: It's Not About You

Hi Everyone!

Yesterday, my youngest son came to me with a toy car he had found that changes color. I'm sure you've all seen them before, it turns one color when it's cold and then when you run hot water on it, the color washes off and it returns to white or whatever its original color is. He has always been fascinated by things like this, that change in some way or another. We did the milk coloring experiment as well, and he had fun with that too. He loves to do different experiments

and honestly I fail quite miserably in the mom department of doing them with him.
So yesterday, after multiple trips to the sink and the freezer with this toy car, he asked me if I could put the car into a cup of hot water because it was hard for him to run it under the faucet. Then, he asked me if he could put the entire cup into the freezer and freeze the car inside the water. Now, when he first asked, my initial reaction was "what's the point of that?" It was so simple in concept that I couldn't figure out why he wanted to do it. Then I realized that I was approaching this simple experiment with the eyes of an adult who could warp ahead and see what the results would be in a few hours. What I had to do was to stop and imagine it through his eyes, and his imagination. So with that in mind, I opened up the freezer and we carefully placed it in an empty spot in the door and then waited for science to do it's job.

As the day went on, he kept checking it to see how frozen it was getting. This, of course let to lots of questions about how long would it take to be completely done; why are there bubbles in the middle? etc. All day it made him so happy to watch this "experiment" progress and I came to really understand that a child's happiness is not always related to or even remotely a part of our happiness as parents.

Yes, this was an experiment so simple in nature; but it made him happy and that made it important. It supported his imagination and his curiosity, and made him feel as though he was accomplishing something. It is still in the freezer and I have a feeling that tomorrow, much of the day will be devoted to watching the water melt. I think he's trying to be able to take out the ice and car together so you can see them together.

There is always time for lessons about right and wrong, and do's and don'ts. Read a book, clean your room, don't forget to brush your teeth etc. It is important though, that we don't get so caught up in teaching them that we forget to learn from them.
What are ways you strive to support your child's happiness? What seemingly silly things do you let them do that they enjoy? I would love to hear some of your stories.
That's all for me today, thanks for stopping by. Until tomorrow....