A Letter to My Teenage Son

Hi Everyone,

Tomorrow my oldest son, our middle child, will turn 13. Of our three children, he is the one that has always been the child I feel like I'm still getting to know. He is wise beyond his years at times.  He has perfect comedic timing with quick-witted responses to just about any scenario. He is easy-going, doesn't ask for much and hardly ever complains. Still, there has always been an air of mystery to him that keeps me intrigued.
I can't help but look to the years ahead as he starts down the road of true adolescence. My husband was nervous for our daughter to start her teenage years because as a dad, it was new territory. Me? I was fine...I was the one with the Supermom cape declaring, "I got this because I've been a teenage girl and that's all the qualification I need!" (That didn't turn out to be entirely true; but we've done OK,  she and I) Now, I find myself feeling much as my husband did a few years ago.
I feel like I'm standing at the edge of this cliff that I know he's about to run and jump off of and I want so much to give him all the protection he needs for a safe landing. The trouble is, I'm not at all sure I know what it is he needs. My experience and expertise with teenage boys is really limited to being a teenage girl at the same time the boys I knew were teenagers!
Still, I can't help but think that maybe I've learned a few things along the way that might help him. He would probably think I was getting all weird on him if I tried to actually talk to him about all this, because the part of being a teenage boy who gets a little "weirded out by weird things your mother says and does"? That part he's mastering fine, all on his own! So, maybe instead, I'll just write him a little letter.

To My Teenage Son,

You'll wake up tomorrow and probably not feel any differently on your first day as teenager than you did on your last day as a 12 year old. Still, there are forces at work both inside of you and around you that are going to make the next few years interesting to say the least. As your mom, I want you to have as much understanding and knowledge as you can about the strange and winding road that lies ahead of you.  I wish I could give you all the answers to the many questions you might have over the these next few years. I'm not sure I have all those answers, however. Nevertheless, I hope these few bits of advice help you along the way.

• All that "abnormality" you're feeling (or will feel) is completely normal.  Growing from boy to teenager to a man is a strange and crazy process. Things change, things grow, things appear. Things you can't see will wreak havoc on you from the inside out for a while. Acne will arrive front and center before you know it. Muscles and an Adam's Apple too. You'll open your mouth to speak and be completely shocked at the sound of your own voice. I want you to know that all of those things are normal...you should take comfort in knowing that about a million other boys are experiencing the same things!! Just buck up and hold on for the ride! 

• That girl that you can't figure out what to say to? She doesn't know what to say to you either. Ah girls....they are a mystery for sure! I fully admit this; but I'll let you in on a little secret: they're no more an expert on growing up than boys! I'll tell you too that having courage and confidence to start a conversation with a girl is VERY cool. 

• Being part of a team builds character--don't underestimate the value of that lesson. One of the things most often quoted about a "good man" is whether or not he has good character and integrity. Being part of a team, or a group in which people look to you for help through participation or teamwork, doing what's right and following rules helps you to establish your own character. These are lessons you'll carry with you throughout life. 

• Be careful not to lose your individuality.  While building character through team work is important, it is equally important not to allow anyone to change who you are. Don't lose your own individuality or let anyone compromise it for their own purposes. You are a good person, always remember that; and don't let anyone change you just because they don't take the time to get to know you and understand you.

• You ALWAYS have the right to speak your mind  Stay away from people who try to tell you otherwise 

• Intelligence is NEVER overrated--EVER!

• Be the type of young man you would want your daughter to date one day. One day, karma will come calling and for many teenage boys, it shows up in the form of a daughter, Then, before you know it, you'll be the dad of a teenage daughter going out on dates with teenage boys. Just remember that when you're 17 in a car with a girl! The future is not nearly as far away as you think it is!

• If given the opportunity to do something-- ALWAYS bring your best to the table. Don't half -step anything in life. If you're going to swing the bat, hit the ball and hit it hard. If you're going to interview for your dream job, make sure you leave the best impression you can!  If you're going to create or invent something, make it the best one you can. No matter what you decide to do in life, give your best, no matter what.

• Finally these three things: 1) As your mother it is my sole purpose in life right now to teach you and to guide you down this twisty, confusing, strange path of life. I will always do my best to encourage you to make the right decisions. No matter what, however, I will always be on your side, even when I know you're wrong. 2) When you stumble and fall (because you will...) I will not reach down to pick you up. Instead, I will sit down beside you for as long as you need me to give you strength and encouragement to pick yourself up and move forward once again. 3) Most importantly, I want you to remember that I knew you long before the rest of the world; that I was the first to hold you and feel your heart next to mine and that I'll always be the one who loves you the most.

Happy Birthday!

Love, 

Mom

It is OK for Your Children to Experience Disappointment

Hi Everyone,

So, do you remember when I shared this card last Friday and mentioned I was on vacation? Well...guess what? I'm not on vacation anymore. Due to some unforeseen and rather unfortunate mechanical issues with our vehicle, we were forced to turn around and come home. This was, however, after an unscheduled stop in a CA small town where the temperature hovered around 112. We sat in a hotel room, waited until the temperature cooled to an almost winter like 87 degrees at 11pm and drove the 4 hours home.  The trip had started out so well, the kids were all excited and were playing the scavenger hunt and bingo games. We had made a stop and visited the Calico Ghost Town and then the trouble began...
We were all disappointed, as we had been looking forward to visiting with our family and friends over the July 4th holiday. My daughter was especially disappointed as she had several plans in motion with her friends. As her mom, I hated that she was disappointed; but I also know and stand by our decision that postponing our trip for a later time was the best thing for us to do.
All of that got me to thinking about the role that disappointment plays in our children's lives. As parents we hate to see our children disappointed by something. It goes against our natural instinct to want to protect them and for them to always be happy. However, experiencing disappointment is not only inevitable, it is a necessary part of growing into adulthood for several reasons:

1. It forces them to realize hard work is necessary. Getting a bad grade on a test, striking out in a baseball game or forgetting the steps in a dance routine are all things that make kids feel disappointed, probably embarrassed and want them to crawl under the nearest rock. However, all of those types of experiences forces kids to realize they are not perfect. In addition, it makes them realize that successes aren't just handed out in life. If you want to do get into a good college, you need good SAT scores and good grades etc. To get those things, you need to study and work hard. To be a good baseball player and a good dancer, you have to practice. It is important that kids learn this and sometimes the best way rise to the top is to fall to the bottom a couple of times.

2. It allows them to develop a better strategy and plan for better success later.  When my daughter got her SAT scores this past spring, she was slightly disappointed. Not devastatingly so; but enough for her to go back and reevaluate what she did that was wrong, what worked, what didn't and what she can do better to improve her scores when she takes it again in the Fall. Getting a perfect score on the SAT or a test is fabulous and not to be undermined in any way; but learning from a disappointment is immeasurably valuable as well.

3. It gives them the opportunity to look for the good in things. Disappointment is often just a cloud that blocks the sunshine and sometimes you have to shift your gaze slightly to appreciate the shadow it casts. While it is natural to think of the shadows and clouds as negative forces in our lives, they also provide shade on a summer day, clouds that turn into rain provide the water necessary to continue the cycle of life. The same can be said about disappointing life experiences. The soul-crushing break up with a boyfriend or a girlfriend is a dark unhappy time especially the first time it happens. However, that break up is really the opportunity not to think about what's wrong with you; but what is right and just needs to wait for the right person to come along and share it and deserve it.

4. It gives them a reason to continue to hope. There's a saying that disappointment is only the result of high expectations. I don't agree with this because I think expectations are a form of hope and if you give up hope, then the world becomes a sad place. A perfect example of this is our recently cancelled trip. Yes the kids were all disappointed, however we also talked about perhaps going at Christmas and our family ....especially my daughter....loves Christmas with all the snow and cold, hot chocolate and family and food. Hope is always good...always.

Life is full of great joys and wonderful surprises; and it is also peppered with heartache and disappointments...that's just the way it is; and the best thing we can do is feed our souls with the lessons they all teach us.

4th of July: So Much More than Fireworks and BBQ

Hi Everyone,

I hope you're all doing well, today. I thought I'd spend a little time today talking about the upcoming Fourth of July holiday. This is always such a fun family holiday to celebrate. No doubt, you have your family traditions, maybe a church or community tradition as well. There's always backyard fun and games, great food and fireworks to celebrate this great day. Still, I think it's important that we take some time as parents to make sure that we're teaching our kids that this day is significant for far more important reasons than good food and fun games.

It's About History--Kids should have an understanding that the 4th of July signifies just about the most important thing in American History: our independence from Great Britain. An independence won after a hard fought Revolutionary War. Take time to talk about the important people of this era. Kids Konnect has some great worksheet resources for American Revolution activities you can do with your kids. You can also find mini biographies of important figures during this time period at American Revolution.  Find a copy of the Declaration of Independence and talk about the important passages and why they matter so much. This website has great videos and activities broken down by age and grade level. 

It's about Freedom-- Kids should know what Freedom means. This is a great opportunity to talk with older kids about countries and people who aren't free. How would our country's history been different if we had not gained our independence from Great Britain? How do we protect our freedom still? Take this opportunity to express appreciation for our military and their families who sacrifice so  much to protect us. 

It's about Patriotism-- Ask your children what makes them feel American? Do they believe America is a great place to live? Why or why not? If you are hosting a fun family get together, take this time to make creative decorations and games.  Pinterest will no doubt give you great ideas for easy DIY decorations and foods you can make to celebrate this great day. Talk about the different symbols of patriotism and freedo such as the Flag, the Liberty Bell and the Eagle and why they are important. Super Teacher Worksheets has some great resources for American Patriotic Symbols

When the day has come to an end, and you're waiting for the fireworks to begin, gather the family around and watch a movie that celebrates the spirit, history and love of America. There are so many that fit the bill for this; but I have included a brief list to give you a few ideas. I tried to include films for both younger kids and older kids.

• National Treasure
• The Sandlot
• Independence Day
• Lincoln
• Young Felicity--An American Girl Story
• This is America Charlie Brown
• Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
• Miracle
• Rocky
• Johnny Tremain

Enjoy the fireworks, celebrate our freedom, remember those who stand in harm's way every day to protect us and those who have given their lives for it.  Eat lots of great food, wear your red, white and blue loud and proud, wave your sparklers and have a fantastic 4th of July!

2 Tweens, 1 Teen and a 3 day Road Trip: How to look out of the window more and at the screens less.

Hello all..

Yes, I'm blogging...still...I think I was just having a bad day last week. So anyways onward and upwards.

We are leaving Friday to visit family and friends in Iowa. It should take us roughly 2 1/2-3 days to travel from CA to IA.  We plan to make some stops along the way. We have travelled a lot over the years as a family and usually the scenario is this: The teenager sleeps the whole time with her headphones in, the two boys sit in the back playing electronics and the dog pants like he's having hot flashes the entire way. Meanwhile, my husband and I sit in the front and talk, or sometimes don't...I read or play games on my ipad. Not a whole lot of family interaction going on during these journeys. This time, however, I really wanted to encourage the kids to look out of the windows a little more often and a little less at the screens. I would never ban the electronic devices completely...I'm motivated, not crazy!
Today I thought I would share with you a few ways I plan to make this road trip more successful than those from the past. I hope you find some inspiration for your next family road trip.

1. Snack Boxes: I have 3 healthy growing kids who love to snack. The last time we traveled, I made these individual snack boxes and they loved it, so I decided to do it again! This is really helpful for me as a mom too because then I don't have to find space for all the boxes for the snacks; and they're not arguing about who ate the last whatever. Full disclosure, I am not the healthiest snack packer for road trips; but you know...that's the fun of it a little bit, I think. So, yeah there are potato chips and chocolate covered granola bars and cookies in there. I didn't want to have to worry about keeping fruit cold or yogurts spoiling or things like that.

2. Pre-plan Snacks: Not only did I pack individual boxes for everyone, I also pre-prepped snack bags for Saturday and Sunday as well. I will restock the snack boxes each day from these bags. By packing snacks for each day, you can really avoid extra cost as well. It seems like every time we stop to get gas, everyone wants food and drinks too. This way you can just limit it to a drink if you need to. I do plan to take drinks in a small cooler as well though.

3. Games and activities. This is where we talk about how to really encourage your kids to put down the screens and enjoy the journey. I decided on three games for mine, plus two family games we can play together as well. If you have younger kids, you could probably go by the dollar store and get some fun little trinket prizes to give out. We're just a little past that stage in life, so I will probably give incentives like, if you find 10 things on the scavenger hunt list, you can order dessert at dinner tonight, or something like that. Each child will get a folder and in the folder are the following games:

• Road Trip Scavenger Hunt: I made a list of 50 items for them to find as we're traveling down the road. Some will be while we are in the car, some are for when we stop. Some are super easy, and some are more challenging. This game is completely customizeable. You can put as many items as you want. If you have younger kids you can do pictures as well. 

• Restaurant Bingo. Another fun game is Restaurant Bingo. I found the cards online at Panda Speech  and printed three of them. I then covered the front of each card in clear contact paper and included an expo marker in each folder. By doing this the cards can be wiped off and used over again. For this game, I will probably keep a small stuffed animal and every time someone gets a bingo, they get to hold the stuffed animal. If you're holding the stuffed animal at the end of the day you get the prize. (I don't know yet what that prize is going to be; but you get the idea)

• Odd Color Car Game. When we start our journey each child will pick an odd color for a car, like orange or yellow or lime green etc. As we're traveling, if you see a car that is the color you chose, you write it down and you get 5 points. However, if you see a color that belongs to someone else and they don't see it, you can "steal it" and get 10 points!

Family Fun Games 

• Would You Rather? Easy and classic game that encourages great conversation and discussion between family members. I found some questions online at LandeeLu  I printed the sheets out, cut them up into little strips and then put them into a small Tupperware container. 

• Taboo Word Game: You'll notice in the picture with the folders that there are some paper clips strung together. These are paperclip "necklaces" for the Taboo Word Game. If you've been to a baby shower you've probably played a version of this game with "baby" being the taboo word. I've picked three words that are "taboo" for each day. If you say the word, you have to give up a paper clip. Whoever has the most paper clips at the end of each day wins the prize! (Again, I have no idea what it is yet) Obviously, for this game, you have to reset the paper clips each day.).
  

So there you have it, a few fun and hopefully inspiring ideas for you and your next family road trip. I hope you have a great day! I have a few posts pre-planned and scheduled for you; but I will be back full time and at it in a few weeks! Have a great day, keep enjoying your summer and I'll see you all again soon!

Linking this post to the following Linky Parties:

1. Totally Terrific Tuesday
2. Motivational Monday 
3. Inspire Me Monday
4. Turn it up Tuesday
5. Oh My Heartsie Wednesday
6. Lou Lou Girls  Monday

10 Frugal Ideas for Summer Family Fun

Hi Everyone!

Now that summer is in full force for many of you, you'll no doubt be looking for some fun ways to occupy everyone's time during the long days of summer vacation. Personally, I've always thought summer vacation was just too long.  I know my children will definitely disagree with me; but I also know that by about the second week of July, the novelty as worn off, if not actually long before then. My kids are a little older and tend to entertain themselves quite sufficiently, so I don't get a lot of  dramatic "Mom, I'm bored!" Cries coming from any of them. Still, summer is a great way to spend time together as a family doing simple things. Going places and doing things together is a lot of fun; but can also be expensive. This is especially true if, like me, you're beyond the "let's go play at the park" stage.
Don't worry, though, there are plenty of things you can do at home with things you probably already have in your mom and kid stuff aresenal. Here are just a few ideas and things we do together. Please note, that this is by no means the most comprehensive list you'll find out here in the blogosphere. There are plenty of great links out there with much longer lists than I have here; but I wanted to give 10 quick to read ideas!

•  Board Game Day and Snack Day. This is a super easy one. Summer vacation days are perfect for playing board games. You can either play a lot of quick games or you can finally get out the Monopoly game you never play because you never have time to finish it. Make this fun day even better by setting out fun snacks and letting the kids pick some fun music. 

•  Indoor Olympics. Depending on how many people you have at home with you, this can be a fun way to spend an afternoon as well. Just pick a few events and let the competing begin. We've done this with Wii Bowling, followed by bean bag toss, a foosball tournament, balloon volleyball and glow ring toss. Keep a tally and give out Gold, Silver and Bronze "medals" to the winners at the end!

• Water Games. For those really hot summer days, take everyone outside for some fun family water fun--Squirt gun painting water fights, water balloon baseball, super soaker gun fights, fill the water bucket game, or just let them go to town with the hose and sprinkler! If you're really good...you'll figure out a way to get your car washed while there out there as well!! 

• Family Wii Day. Technology doesn't have to be a bad thing! Use it as a tool for spending time together. There are tons of family fun games for the Wii (and I'm sure the Xbox etc as well) Get up and get moving together! 

• Minute To Win It Games. This is one I plan to use this summer. There are tons of games out there that you can find on Pinterest and (well, wherever it is you go to find ideas) Most only require a few simple things which you should have already or can get rather cheaply at Wal-mart or perhaps the dollar store.

• Scavenger Hunt. You can make this really simple if you have little ones or you can make it a little more challenging if you have older kids. Write out questions that have to be answered in order to get to the next clue. You can even make it an "Amazing Race" type game where some of the clues are outside and around the neighborhood (within walking distance of course) You can make this even more special by having a themed scavenger hunt in which each clue leads to a big surprise at the end. For example, you could hide a pair of goggles, sunscreen, a beach towel etc and then at the end the surprise is a trip to the pool for the afternoon. Or you could hide a bag of popcorn, some candy, a soda can etc and the surprise is a trip to see a Matinee movie that afternoon (Obviously this is not a do all the time event...because movie going isn't frugal by any means; but it's nice to have a treat every once in a while!)

• Movie Day. Close the curtains, pop some popcorn, have some candy and throw down pillows and blankets and spend the day being completely lazy! 

• Science Day. You can scour through many Pinterest boards and discover some great science experiments that can be done easily at home. What's really great is that many of them only require things you already have on hand: dish detergent, baking soda, water, hydrogen peroxide etc. 

• Explore your Neighborhood.   Another great way to spend a day is to just get out and explore your neighborhood and local community. Even if your kids are too old to "play" at playground, you can still look for hiking trails, or go for bike rides. Maybe there's a park and a pond that would be perfect for a picnic lunch? Check the community board at your local library for free or frugal family events around town. Do a online search for restaurants in your town that offer free kids meals on certain days.

• Grocery Games. Play your own version of this popular Food Network game. This is a great thing to with older children. The only caveat is that the more children you have, the more expensive it could be; but still fun! First, spend a little bit of time talking about the main food groups, and what healthy food choices really mean. Then head to the grocery store and tell them that have 15 minutes to shop for the ingredients to make something....an easy one might be sandwiches. Tell them they must include a source of protein, and a vegetable (or whatever you want) and they can only spend $7 (or whatever) Then go home  and everyone makes their own sandwiches for lunch with the ingredients they chose. 

That is all for me today, thank you so much for visiting with me. I hope you have a fabulous day! 

I am sharing this week's post with the following linky parties:

1. Totally Terrific Tuesdays

2. Motivational Monday

3. Inspire Me Monday

4. A Round Tuit 

5. Turn It Up Tuesdays

Summer Vacation: All Play and No Work?

Hi Everyone.

If you're a return visitor to my blog, you will know that today's post is a little bit different than what I normally do, which is papercrafts, cards etc. However, you'll notice that the tag line of my blog says "Creations and reflections of a stay at home mom" I've dedcided to start dedicating one post a week to the "Reflections" part and spending a little time talking about parenting, family and kid stuff.

Summer can mean different things to different moms, depending on where you are in the age game. There seems to be no shortage of summer activities for the 3-10 age group. Pinterest anyone?! The bad thing is that as a mom of this age group, you're going to need the entire month of September to recover because let me tell you, you're going to be EXHAUSTED!

Don't be fooled, however, the grass isn't necessarily greener on the tween and adolescent side either,
which is where I currently am. As a mom of an 11, (soon to be) 13 and (soon to be) 17 year old, summer vacation gets a little more tricky. The 17 year old doesn't really count though because 1) she can drive and entertain herself and 2) as an upcoming senior she is busy with SAT, ACT and other academic preps this summer. My two boys though? They are a different story. Like any boys their age they are slaves to the video games: computer, Xbox, Wii etc; and part of me sees the value in that--my oldest boy has developed an interesting in teaching himself coding and really learning things about computer programming etc-- and part of me knows I've created a couple of lazy monsters! But, I ask myself, what do I want them to do? When I tell them to get off the video games, what exactly is it that I want them to do instead? I mean, it is is summer vacation, right?! They've worked hard and done well, so why not just let them have a break? And I'm here to tell you there are not a lot of "Pinterest inspired" activities for this age group that don't require a trip to the hardware store, a set of complicated instructions and a huge back yard to accomplish!

I could just turn a blind eye and pretend I'm not keeping up with how long they've been on the games; but I know that in July I'll regret that, so I don't. Instead, I sit down at the beginning of the summer and come up with a weekly schedule. As they've gotten older, the schedule has changed a bit. Now, I give them a little more opportunity to be self disciplined and accountable. For example, they are required to read 5 days for 20 minutes. There are 7 days in the week...they can choose any 5 they want. I'm also a summer workbook mom. I've been buying the "Summer Bridge Activities" books since they were in kindergarten. Now, I will be the first to admit that we don't EVER complete the whole book...but we do pretty well for the first month or so of vacation. Sometimes our summer learning schedule is affected by whether we are moving in the summer since we are a military family. I'm a strong believer that learning never stops and keeping the ol' brain gears oiled a little throughout summer helps children start the school year with success and gives them the confidence they need to continue succeeding through the school year.

As for technology, that is the only area I maintain complete control of. We have two days a week when technology is not allowed; and on those days I do try to find other things for them to do to occupy their time. I have been scouring ideas and Pinterest lately and have pinned a few ideas. Make sure to follow me on Pinterest and check my board "kids and kid stuff" for all those ideas. Seriously thinking about making that gaint Jenga game!

So, I'm curious how do you handle summer vacation? Are you a no work and all play mom, an all work and no play mom or like me and a little bit of both?

Do you have fun ideas to share for ways to keep 11 and 13 year olds engaged and entertained? I would love to hear them! Leave me a comment and let me know!


I'm sharing this post with a couple of linky parties today:

1. Totally Terrific Tuesday:
2. Inspire Me Monday:
3. Turn it up Tuesday
4. Motivational Monday 

Dear Children: Life is Real...Get Used To It!

Hi Everyone!

Before we get started with today's post, if you read yesterday's post, you know I've been struggling with whether or not I wanted to continue with the website and blogging. For now, I'm just going to keep plugging away at it as long as I feel I have things to say and share. So for the 10 of you that may actually show up and read this post...THANK YOU!!

I try hard with my parenting posts to promote good parenting,and to encourage those of you who may be experiencing challenges with your little ones. Really, I have no authority or expertise other than I'm a mom...just like many of you. I have wondered, lately if we as parents and a society are not doing our children a great disservice by not allowing them to experience failure and disappointment. This has been a hot button topic in the parenting blogging and "expert" world for a while now. I think there are many valid arguments for why we are standing in the way of our children's successes as future adults and contributing members of society. We are focusing so much on our children's emotional well being and saving their feelings that we are failing them as parents.

Why is that exactly?

1. Birthday Parties: This is my number one pet peeve about parenting in this age of  "don't hurt anyone's feelings" My youngest son has a birthday the day before Halloween. I would LOVE to throw him a nice costume Halloween related party; but the only way I can do it is to invite everyone in his class. This is a problem for me for a couple of reasons: First, guess what? He's human...he DOESN'T LIKE EVERYONE IN HIS CLASS!! Why should he be forced to invite someone he doesn't care to spend time with? Second, it's expensive! Hello?!!? Which would you rather pay for as a parent? A birthday party in which you have 8-10 kids coming or one in which you have to PLAN for 20 kids even though may 12 will come. And let's NOT talk about the fact that NO ONE ever RSVP's for their kid anymore either! It is not up to me to prepare someone else's child for disappointment in life. If the situation were to arise in which my own child wasn't invited, I would use it as a teachable moment in parenting. Yes, I would be upset that he's upset...I'm not unfeeling or unsympathetic! But I'm also a realist and I"m trying to raise a logical, well adjusted and capable child as well. I would NEVER allow any of my children to be mean about not inviting someone to a party, either though. There is a way to be tactful about it. Perhaps sending in cupcakes to be shared with the class in celebration or sharing goody bags with everyone.

2. Disappointment is not a gateway to violence: School shootings have been a horrible, unimaginable and all too prevalent reality in the last decade. I would lose my mind if my children fell victim to something so horrendous. That being said, I believe we are using the fear of "what might happen" to allow our children to never experience disappointment or rejection. No parent, myself included, wants to be the parent of the kid with the gun or the kid that bullies someone to the point they commit suicide. We see the reports and the news and the "research by the experts" and we all cringe a little inside and hope we don't screw up our parenting skills badly enough for our child to that kid.
It is wrong, however, to assume that disappointment or rejection will lead to a life of violence or even an act of violence. Children need to experience disappointment so that they can learn other important life skills such as determination, perseverance, and discipline. My daughter experiences severe test anxiety and often doesn't do well on tests in school and most of the time is very disappointed in her scores. Guess what though? We keep plugging away at it, we keep trying new tactics and new ideas to help her. I know she probably isn't seeing it right now; but I know she's learning other important lessons through these challenges.

3. A Child's Failure is NOT your Failure as a Parent: When my daughter or her brothers do poorly in school or my son strikes out at a baseball game, or doesn't get a part in the school play or whatever...I don't curl up a corner lamenting to the heavens: "It's all my fault! I'm a horrible mother!" Many parents want the credit and the glory when their children achieve greatness and milestones; (and that's not right either, by the way...) However, just as equally bad, are parents who shift the focus from the child and the lessons that failure can teach to themselves and their "lack of parenting" skills. That's just wrong! Guess what?! IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU! Children need to learn to stand inside their own failures and deal with them. Failing is a quintessential part of life. Without it, you never learn to rise to a challenge or overcome an obstacle. You never appreciate the concept of really hard work. Most importantly, if we take the pain of failure away from our children, we essentially take away the sweetness of victory when it comes as well.

4. A Spoiled Child is a Selfish Child: If we give our children everything they want in life; and never say no, then can we really be shocked when we realize we've become the parents of the kid that always screams at the top of his lungs because he didn't get candy from the check out lane or the little girl who made another little girl cry because she took something away from her?! Can we really be shocked when we spend 16 years giving a child everything they want only to have that same child become raging mad when there isn't a shiny new car with a big red bow on it in the driveway on their birthday?
Children who are never told "no" or "not this time" or even a more truthful and honest "I can't afford to buy that for you" are really only be taught one thing: Selfishness. They're also not learning how to work for something themselves. They're not learning how to wait or maybe contribute to buying something themselves by earning money for it. They're not learning that life does NOT always revolve around them.

Photo source "Poppy's New Adventure"

As I said in the beginning of this post, I am by no means an expert in anything related to parenting. I have been one for a little while now; and over the years, this is just what I have learned, valued and tried to remember to help me along this journey. I hope it provides you with some tips and help as well.
Have a great day and I will be back again soon!

5 Times It's (almost too) Hard to Be a Parent.

Hi Everyone!

For most, parenting is among the most rewarding, gratifying and the fulfilling parts of their lives. However, let's be honest as well. Parenting, is tough work, period. It's never ending, it's exhausting, it's all consuming and overwhelming. It's a whole bunch of  "No, you cannot do that's" in a sea of  "But, whhhhyyyyy, Mommy?!"'s. It's "yes, you must eat your dinner to have dessert" surrounded by a symphony orchestra playing, "But I don't like this, Mommy!" It's 25 "GO TO BED's" yelled upstairs every night; and then "Get up, we're late!"'s the next morning.
Still, we do it. We get up in the morning, put our big pants on and parent our children, in hopes that one day they will be contributing, functional members of society with good manners, successful families, friendships and careers of their choosing. We also hope that one day, they will exhibit the same amount of strength, stamina and determination when it comes to their own parenting skills.
However, there are times when being a parent just almost seems too hard. Moments where, I know, I've wondered..."what was I thinking?" Perhaps these will sound familiar to you as well.

1. When it is Brand New:  The first year of parenting is life-changing.  There's really no other way to describe it. You can read all the books, listen to all the advice, develop a plan, learn all you think you'll ever know during the 9 months of pregnancy and you still won't even have any idea how your life is going to be turned upside down. Parenting a newborn for the first time, especially the first 6 months, is an experience that, I believe, is designed to test the limits of a person's mind, body and soul. Sleep deprived in a body that feels like it's been hit by a freight train (and usually looks like it has too) along with the overwhelming and all too sudden realization that this "tiny little human" is depending on you for everything...and I mean EVERYTHING is enough to make a new parent give up before the journey begins. The fact that babies are lacking in communication skills, doesn't help either! I'm just saying...

2. When they Learn Independence: That "depend on you for everything" scenario I talked about a minute ago? Yeah...you'll wish for it back when they turn 2 and 3 years old! Any parent that has taken her "scuba shoe, snorkel wearing, polka dotted princess dress with a wand" daughter to the grocery store, knows exactly what I"m talking about! Or any parent who has listened to countless "NO, I don't need help!" and "I do it ...I do it... I do it,  Mommy!"'s also understands. Fast forward and before you know it it's time for driving lessons, group dates, and college campus visits. These are all stepping stones to being self -reliant, to being able to fly away from the nest one day; but still...watching your children take these important steps isn't always easy.

3. When They are Hurt or Sick. The first time you have to rush your child to the ER because of illness or injury, your heart will come undone. (ok...maybe not literally) but you will experience a feeling of helplessness unlike anything you've ever have in the past. When you watch your child, almost in slow motion, fall down the stairs or out of the tree in the backyard, or off his bike. Raging fevers, vomiting, coughing that lasts for days and nights and then spreads to the other children leaving you in a pool of mental and physical fatigue so deep that you're convinced the universe is punishing you for some long ago forgotten misdeed. When you think everything is fine, everyone is healthy...and then you find out that may not be the case. When, as in my own recently personal experience, a doctor says..."we think she has a tumor." That is when parenting almost becomes a little too hard...

4. When They Disappoint You: I know this probably sounds harsh and some may be taken aback by that statement. However, I believe it's true. Parents don't just corner the market on disappointing children when it comes to having to say no to things, or changing plans. When your child comes home from school with a failing grade on a test, or they lie to you about something, or they are mean to somebody...that's disappointing! It's almost having to admit a moment of defeat in parenting. It's hard to spend time teaching our children the difference between right and wrong only to have them do exactly what we told them not to do!

5. When You Have to Let Them Go. This is the one I think about most often:

--When I let them go to Kindergarten
--When I let them go to College
--When I let them go to new adventures away from home
--When I let them go to say "I do"
--When I let them go to hear their own new "I love you, Mommy!" 's  and "I love you, Daddy!"'s

Have a great day everyone!

Five Lies I've Told My Children

Hi Everyone!

I don't know about you; but for me, as a mother, one of the biggest lessons I try to teach my children is that of honesty. Lessons of "always tell the truth...no matter what", are taught from an early age in our house.

However.....


I may not have always followed my own advice when it comes to honesty with my children. You know what I mean, don't you? Sometimes for the sake of your own sanity; and quite often for their own well being, you just HAVE to tell, an "untruth" (this is where you play the imaginary "Dun Dun Dun" sound in your head)  Now, to be clear, I've never lied about important things to them: family matters, health questions etc.

So what lies or "untruths" have I dared to tell my children?


1. I have Santa's Phone Number!  (and you have to be 25 before I'll tell you what it is) The discussion of whether or not Santa is real has never come up in our house. "In order to receive, you must believe" is the general rule around here. However, when my oldest son was about 5 years old, he went through a slight "misbehaving" phase shortly before Christmas. I told him if he didn't behave, I would call Santa and tell him not to come to our house with presents for him this year. He promptly responded with "you can't call Santa...you don't know his phone number!"

Well...BRING. IT. ON. little boy!!!

"Yes, I do have Santa's phone number!"

"Well, I want to know Santa's phone number!"

"No, you're not old enough"

"How old do I have to be?"

"25"

"I have to wait THAT long?!"

"Yes...yes you do."

The Santa's phone number story continues to be brought up today....even though he's now 11 years old, and well...I think the Santa conversation is now more for my benefit than his!


2. It doesn't REALLY hurt...THAT much. 

"No...that shot you're getting ready to have isn't going to hurt you at all"

"This medicine that we have to put on to that cut on your knee isn't going to sting...well maybe for a moment."


3. No, the roller coaster doesn't go VERY fast.

It actually goes faster than your young mind can fathom; but hey...it's a right of passage for everyone; and who am I to deny you this moment in life?!

4. No, it doesn't have any vegetables in it at all.

At least none that you can see! We'll not discuss the celery, carrots, onion and peppers that I blended up and dissolved into the sauce.

We also won't discuss the fact that that bread you're eating has carrots AND zucchini in it *GASP*


5. No, I have never ever done that....

*Sigh* but I probably really have; and I know one day, you probably will too.

Lies are a necessary evil of parenting sometimes. As parents, I don't believe we tell lies from a place of malice. I think we sometimes lie to our children with the intentions of protecting them or for their well being. Sometimes we lie to our children because there are times in which life just needs to be experienced without a preview.  Always be honest when and where you have to be with your children; but don't beat yourself up over a few little white lies. After all, they will probably grow up and tell their own children the very same ones!

Have a great day, and I'll see you again tomorrow!

Linky parties:

1. Not So Wordless Wednesday

5 Times I Wish I was a Better Mother.

Hi Everyone.

I have to say that I think I'm handling this whole Mom gig pretty well. I mean after all, most days I throw some food at them, I make them bathe a few times a week; and I'm usually good about getting them into bed by 10 pm So, you know...no one is starving, dirty or tired around here!  I even do the more important, but quite possibly equally mundane things like forcing them to complete their homework and read every night as well. These are all good goals to have as a mom, don't you agree, LOL!


Still, and I know many of you may find this as a shock, given my fabulous resume in the top paragraph, there have been a few times in which I wish I had stepped up and been a little more fabulous in my role as "Super Mom"

1. Dinner Time  Somewhere between the age of 1 year and the present day, my kids all developed a complete, total and all encompassing hatred for vegetables. Except for my oldest who could quite possibly survive on nothing but Edamame beans if I allowed her. Then there's the one who thinks I'm giving him alien food if I try to make him eat anything with ground beef in it. Hamburgers, spaghetti, sloppy joes? Nope...not happening...EVER! I wish that I had just set rules and made everyone eat what I was making when I made it. But at the time with having 3 kids under the age of 5, honestly I was just trying to get something..anything on a plate and into tummies.  It makes for frustrating dinner time; but the good news is that if there were awards given out for "mulit-tasking short order cook" I'd totally sweep that one, LIKE. A. BOSS!!

2. Education: I swear I've learned how to do the "new math" 10 different ways; and I still suck at it. I feel like the girl who took AP Calculus in high school abandoned me in my greatest hour of need: helping an Eighth grader through Pre-Algebra, which for some inexplicable reason is harder than Algebra these days. My third grader asked me a question the other day about "Earth's Major Systems" and clouds; and all I could do was stare blankly at him until I picked up my phone and Googled it, hoping that a band of phantom Clemson University board of trustee members would not swoop in and take my college degree away from me. I swear to goodness, Google is the bridge connecting the troubled waters between "What I used to know" and "What I can't remember"!

3. Sports: I believe whole heartedly that God made me the mother of two boys as part of his plan for me in this life. I just wish he had incorporated some better athletic skills in me as well. As they have gotten older and more involved in sports, I have learned a very valuable lesson: anything that involves me throwing a ball in any form is detrimental to their development as future athletes. Seriously...it's hilarious; but also rather sad. This is not an area in which I would ever win an award!

4. Playing: I'm not, and never have been, a parent that plays. I wish I had been the mom that had gotten down on the floor and played match box cars, and action figures. I wish I had built more Legos, driven more trains, and encouraged more imagination.  I did OK during the Barbie, dress up and doll phase for the girl; but still I think I spent too long being "too busy" for these precious moments. Now, my kids are all a little older; and I see my youngest transitioning out of that "play" phase as well. Makes me reflective; and it makes me sad.

5. Being Present: I will tell just about anyone that our third child was a surprise. Ok...well, I know it couldn't have been that much of a surprise given how he came to be; but you know...still!  At the time, I had a girl, I had a boy...I was good! I mean, what else was there?! Apparently, God had other plans for me and decided 16 months after having my first son, that we needed to be blessed with another beautiful son. I'd like to think that this was because He was clearly impressed with my parenting skills up to this point!

Going from 2-3 children, however, was a big change, especially having two so close in age. Most days, in those early years, I was just trying to adjust to the incomprehensible increase in laundry that CONSUMED. MY LIFE!! Then there was dinner, and dishes; and a house full of  dolls and toys; books, crayons and coloring books; bottles and diapers, pacifiers and more.  I felt like my sanity was tied to making sure I was able to get it all put away by the time everyone was in bed. I wish that I had allowed myself to look beyond the "mess" and had seen it instead for what it really was: Life happening, beautifully and brilliantly all around me, inviting me to join in and be a part of every single precious moment.


I would like to share this blog post with the following Linky Parties:

1. Party Under The Big Top: Act 9
2. Wake Up Wednesday #63
3. Manic Monday (2nd Entry)
4. A Sorta Fairy Tale Blog hop #49 (2nd Entry)
5. A Little R&R blog Hop 98

5 Ordinary Conversations to Have with Your Teenager.

 Click to follow me on Bloglovin! Blog candy when I get to 50 followers!

Hello Everyone!


If you are a parent of a teenager, or the parent of a future teenager, today's ramblings under the "Care" Category are dedicated to you! Now, I'll admit, I've not been the parent of a teenager for very long. My daughter is only 14; but I feel like we're both tackling this journey with just the right amount of support and understanding:

                      --She says, "I need a hair cut, new clothes and my iTunes card has no more money on it"
                      --I say "My roots are showing, me too and my Starbucks card has no more money on it!

Teaching her a bit of independence has also been crucial the last couple of years:

                     --She says, "What's for dinner?"
                    -- I say, "Whatever you make for yourself."

And of course, no life with teenagers is complete without the standard battle of rolling eyes, "whatever(s)" and anguished cries of "why are you trying to ruin my life?!"

                        --She says, "Don't be so mad at me!"
                       -- I say, "Then stop doing things that make me mad!"
                   

I use the above examples as quirky little anecdotes that are usually few and far between; but her being a teenager and me being the parent of a teenager is new to both of us for sure. I have found, however that communication...good, and bad is the key to our mainly happy relationship. I have also found that it is the conversations about ordinary every day things that help us and keep us connected the most.

There is always going to be a need and time to have the BIG and important conversations: Sex, Drugs/Alchohol, Social responsibilities, Future plans for college, career etc. However, you cannot just show up for those big talks and not take an interest in the things that matter to your teen on an every day basis. That's not parenting a teenager, that's just trying to get through 6 years of your life with as little work as possible.

Now, I'm not a parenting expert...like AT ALL! Still, I wanted to share the 5 things I try to talk with my daughter about on a fairly regular basis. These are not conversations limited to teens, by any means...I have these same (slightly modified) conversations with my two younger children as well.

1. What has been happening at school lately?  

               This is not the conversation about academics. This is the conversation that lets your teen know that you are interested in what happens in the place where she spends her entire day away from you. This is the conversation that asks, "Do you get to see your friends in the hallways between classes?" "Who did you eat lunch with today?",  "Is your friend who was sick feeling better?" "Did anyone get into a fight?" "Have you seen or talked to that cute boy/girl you told me about"  These are questions that let your teen know you care, that you have a desire to want to know more than "did you do your homework?"

2. Do you have a plan for upcoming week with school, sports etc?

                  THIS is the academics conversation. This is the conversation you have that goes through every class, asking if/when tests are, projects, homework is due etc. This is the conversation that lets him/her know not only do you care, but it also teaches a sense of ownership, and in the case of sports activities too, it teaches time management and goal setting. You can't leave it for the last month of school or right before report cards are issued to take an interest in your child's academic life. You cannot tell your child you want them to succeed in college, and life etc, and then not help them be aware of the work that that requires.

3. What are you watching on You Tube?

                  You will get no arguments from me about the wonders of You Tube. It is indeed a revolutionary part of our world today. I know my daughter watches it all the time as well; and I have no problem with it because I ask her all the time what she's watching. By being accepting of the fact that she enjoys this, she opens up to me about who she enjoys, what she searches for (mostly, music videos, TV show montages and beauty/make up/fashion channels) You Tube is part of the teenage world, simple as that. Some will argue, I'm sure, at this point that teenagers can't be trusted online. I disagree, teenagers can be trusted if they feel like that trust matters.

4. Tell me about your new Facebook friend, (Instagram follower etc)

                 This is another social media type conversation. It's so simple, really...be interested in your child's friends and followers! Ask, how do you know that person? Is she in one of your classes? Does his family live here? It doesn't really matter what questions you ask; but by asking any question at all, it tells your teenager that you care about the people with whom they are making connections.

5. How have you been feeling lately?

                  Sometimes, it is just good to ask how your teen/child is feeling in general lately. This is the conversation that asks, "have you been having any physical issues at all...aches, pains, notice any spots or areas of concern on your body etc? "Is everything happy in your world at the moment?" "Is there anything on your mind, you would like to talk about?" This is the conversation that just lets your child know you are available, and that you care.

 There are going to be triumphs, laughter and happiness; and there are going to be challenges, tears and meltdowns. Raising a teenager isn't about you, and it's not about them. Grab them by the hand, (for as long as they'll let you...) and enjoy the journey together!


I'm sharing this post with the following linky parties: (I am interested in participating in more parenting linky parties, so if you have one or have any recommendations, please let me know)

1. Coffee and Conversations
2. A Little R&R
3. Makeovers and Motherhood




 

Bringing Families Together with Popcorn, Chocolate...and Laughter

Hi Everyone,

Like many families in America today, mine has become slaves to technology. Cell phones, tablets, computers, laptops, Nintendo, Wii, and Wii U. We don't have everything, or as much as some do; but we definitely have more than our fair share and certainly more than we really need. I will admit too, that I am the biggest user of the abundance of technology we have in my house. My cell phone and tablet are never out of reach. They keep me entertained through TV, movies, games and more. They keep me informed through news podcasts, and web articles. They allow me to know bank balances and credit card information at a moment's notice. They keep me connected through social media: Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Don't get me wrong, I believe technology has greatly improved much about society, our relationships with one another and has probably also done a great deal to feed what has now become an insatiable curiosity about everything from politics and world events to recipes and parenting advice.
However, it is not lost on me that the technology that beckons me toward this need for constant and instant gratification also pulls me away from my family. It pulls many families away from each other and we often don't even realize it. Sometimes we do for a moment; and then the moment passes because someone sends a text or a notification lights up our screen and instantly that person or that notification becomes more important than the person sitting beside us.
Every day I realize my children are speeding through this process called life and the opportunities to spend time together as a family are dwindling at an exponential rate. We are not a family that vacations often, or goes out and does grandiose things together. Like most families we are bound by the ebbs and flows of the economy. That is not to say we don't find ways to spend quality time together. We do, and we do because we make family time part of our routine, part of our daily schedule. Life is busy with school, homework, sports, and other activities. Still, we eat dinner together as much as possible and then without fail on Friday nights we have Family Movie Night!
Friday Night Family Movie Night has had a lot of starts and stops over the years; but since we moved into our new house in July, we have done it every week.  Sometimes we buy an On Demand movie, or a Redbox movie. Sometimes we find something on Netflix and sometimes we watch something we've already seen a hundred times together. It's never really about what we watch, although the entertainment factor is definitely important! No, rather, it is about the fact that for that two hours there are no brightly pixelated screens lighting up the room. There are no other people in the outside world more important than the one sitting right next to you. It is about the fact that for that two hours, popcorn, chocolate and laughter brings a family together.

To my Dearest Daughter: As you Begin High School

Hi Everyone!

Today's post is dedicated to my beautiful daughter, Reagan who is just two days away from starting her Freshman year in high school. Honestly, I'm not sure who's more shocked that this is happening already, me or her! I know that there are probably many moms out there facing this same milestone this year. I think I was too busy with two boys under the age of 2 when she started kindergarten to really process the significance of that milestone. Sad; but true, nonetheless. Now, however, this one is charging down the road right at me with no hope of distraction or change. I know that the next milestone is only 4 VERY short years away; but please...don't ask me to think about that one right now. I just cannot do it.
I know she is excited and she is a little nervous too. She's a new kid in a new school...again...in a big school. 1500 kids. That's a LOT of bodies to be navigating through in a day. I'm not worried about her being the new kid. As a military child, this is her 7th new school...she's a Pro!
She and I have reached the point in our relationship where we often talk about a lot; and then we often don't talk at all. I want to make sure she has the most successful year she can. I thought about just sitting her down and telling her all these things; but then I just imagined I would see her as though she was five years old, not 14; and then I would probably cry. This of course would be followed by one of those awkward adolescent moments in which she would frantically text a friend telling them, "OMG, my mother is in my room crying, what is wrong with her?"

So, behold the power of the blog and the written word!

 Reagan, as you embark on this new journey in your life, I hope the following things help you a little along the way.

1. Be you...always. You are a kind and beautiful person inside and out. Don't ever let anyone change that.

2. Ask for help. No one knows everything and no one expects you to either.

3. Give help to those in need when and where you can. A simple act of kindness can go a long way.

4. Work hard, read often, ask questions. Develop good study habit now, the work only gets harder

5. Proof read everything. And then...proof read it again!

6. Be aware of the decisions you make. Stay true to who you are. Remember the life lessons you've been taught; and the morals and values we've tried to instill in you. Any choice you make that causes you to sacrifice your character or integrity is never the right one.

7. Don't be afraid to try something new. You may hate it, you may love it; but you will never know if you don't try.

8. You can talk to me about anything, about everything and about nothing at all...always!

9. You are going to succeed. You will have projects, papers, and tests that you will do well on and your teachers will praise you. You will have friendships that are meaningful and may even become life long. You will excel in many areas. Embrace each of these moments and know you've earned these successes.

10.... and you are going to fail. You are going to be unprepared for a pop quiz. You're going to read the wrong chapter in English, or study and study for a math test and still not do well. No one gets through high school without stumbling along the way. What matters is that when these things happen, you don't allow them to define you or to become excuses. Acknowledge your mistake, learn from it and move forward...keep moving forward!

All my love,
Mom